11/23/2006 03:07:00 AM
*sigh*been so so so sooooooooo bothered e whole afternoon n nite.. was so shocked to hear such a news.. i had mixed feelings.. on one hand felt dat i'm a lousy leader, didnt care abt how e ppl i'm leading feel.. in terms of in e kingdom, how much did i care abt how she feel n in st.john, how much did i care how he feel.. on e other hand i felt i'm being accused n wasnt even given a chance to explain myself.. he simply lied n left.. nv intend to let me noe, nv intend to clear e matter.. is dat wat n how a leader shld behave n handle things?i dun think so..why do u wan to make things so complicated? cant there be openness among one another? why cant things be said directly? why muz do this type of childish actions n end up making urself look so pitiful.. i hate this! i hate lie!juz like those typical childhood times where e one who cries first wins.. come on'.. this is a uniform grp, we'r instructors organising a course for e cadets, not e childhood kind of quarrel over a toy or ice-cream or sweet.. can things be brought across directly? in a mature way? but then again, ytd's lesson frm steph.. i cant assume others will be as open as me, be open to me when i'm open to them.. both he n she r insecure ppl who needs alot of assurrance.. gottaa pay more attention to e friendship w dem.. but i nv realise this.. i think now may be too late as he's decided.. juz gotta wait until tml when i call e higher up personnel n ask how's e situation like now.. is his request to be out of e course approve? i'm grateful dat i've zara n jh w me.. this coming wkend n next wkend, i dun haf a platoon sgt.. san dong's gg for camp n got things on.. this sat i'm e DO somemore.. gosh.. today's mid wk lesson was great.. learnt alot.. convicted.. gotta think n plan how to put them into practice..definitely i'm grateful for having this church, having sisters who bug n pester me.. they r trying to help me be under control.. juz like wat moses did in exodus 32:25.. i've been having wildless schedule, wildless priorities.. to e extend of putting god as a topic of my life rather than e center of my life.. greatly convicted by john's sharing on how his prayers r answered.. least when he expected it.. but he's been faithful prayerful.. he didnt doubt god but juz perservere n kept praying until it's answered.. i wan to learn to haf this kind of perserverance! also learnt dat i need to take my appointment w god seriously.. rev 4:9-11.. definitely i look forward to 2007's plans.. john's gg to focus on relationship w god n relationship/attitude w e lost.. starting to think wat i wan to wrk on in 2007.. wat does it really means to have a relationship w god? wat does it really means to enjoy my walk w god? appreciate n a very big thank you to all e listening ears i've today.. steph, jennifer, shu hui, as much as ur cant relate, e fact dat ur listened is gd enuf.. zara, san dong, bro.. ur can relate.. thanks for believing dat i can make a difference.. really felt very very encouraged!! juz like spiritually, make a difference in other's life..
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