11/23/2006 03:07:00 AM
*sigh*been so so so sooooooooo bothered e whole afternoon n nite.. was so shocked to hear such a news.. i had mixed feelings.. on one hand felt dat i'm a lousy leader, didnt care abt how e ppl i'm leading feel.. in terms of in e kingdom, how much did i care abt how she feel n in st.john, how much did i care how he feel.. on e other hand i felt i'm being accused n wasnt even given a chance to explain myself.. he simply lied n left.. nv intend to let me noe, nv intend to clear e matter.. is dat wat n how a leader shld behave n handle things?i dun think so..why do u wan to make things so complicated? cant there be openness among one another? why cant things be said directly? why muz do this type of childish actions n end up making urself look so pitiful.. i hate this! i hate lie!juz like those typical childhood times where e one who cries first wins.. come on'.. this is a uniform grp, we'r instructors organising a course for e cadets, not e childhood kind of quarrel over a toy or ice-cream or sweet.. can things be brought across directly? in a mature way? but then again, ytd's lesson frm steph.. i cant assume others will be as open as me, be open to me when i'm open to them.. both he n she r insecure ppl who needs alot of assurrance.. gottaa pay more attention to e friendship w dem.. but i nv realise this.. i think now may be too late as he's decided.. juz gotta wait until tml when i call e higher up personnel n ask how's e situation like now.. is his request to be out of e course approve? i'm grateful dat i've zara n jh w me.. this coming wkend n next wkend, i dun haf a platoon sgt.. san dong's gg for camp n got things on.. this sat i'm e DO somemore.. gosh.. today's mid wk lesson was great.. learnt alot.. convicted.. gotta think n plan how to put them into practice..definitely i'm grateful for having this church, having sisters who bug n pester me.. they r trying to help me be under control.. juz like wat moses did in exodus 32:25.. i've been having wildless schedule, wildless priorities.. to e extend of putting god as a topic of my life rather than e center of my life.. greatly convicted by john's sharing on how his prayers r answered.. least when he expected it.. but he's been faithful prayerful.. he didnt doubt god but juz perservere n kept praying until it's answered.. i wan to learn to haf this kind of perserverance! also learnt dat i need to take my appointment w god seriously.. rev 4:9-11.. definitely i look forward to 2007's plans.. john's gg to focus on relationship w god n relationship/attitude w e lost.. starting to think wat i wan to wrk on in 2007.. wat does it really means to have a relationship w god? wat does it really means to enjoy my walk w god? appreciate n a very big thank you to all e listening ears i've today.. steph, jennifer, shu hui, as much as ur cant relate, e fact dat ur listened is gd enuf.. zara, san dong, bro.. ur can relate.. thanks for believing dat i can make a difference.. really felt very very encouraged!! juz like spiritually, make a difference in other's life..
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11/03/2006 05:38:00 AM
yo... another 2wks has past since i last update my blog.. =P e past 2 wks didnt update blog, chat online nor check my mail.. i think wat surprised me e most is my email.. gosh.. i've 218 new mails within 2wks.. have yet to find out who's e culprit who bombed my email.. so far wat i see r 'proper' emails.. like nco course stuff, nov schedule, sj stuff mainly.. =/ dun understand how can all dat make up to 218 new mails.. haha.. e past 1 1/2 wk, been thinkin abit.. while i struggle to get focus n find motivation to start studying 3 my exams, i realise dat i've a very very serious problem.. and dat's DISCIPLINE! hope it's not too late to really realise it n see for myself how ILL-DISCIPLINE i'm.. wonder where my fighting spirit, perserverance in e past gone to.. there were alot of "if only....", "aiya, i shld haf...", "nvm..." in my mind.. satan indeed is fighting very hard to distract me frm getting focus to study.. come to e point where nth seems to b able to go into my brain.. this happened on wed nite when i'm studying for my psycho paper.. gosh.. sooooooooo many theories n concepts to rmb n understand.. so.. e "if only i studied earlier, more regularly..", "i shld haf done this earlier.." all these thoughts came to my mind.. oso was very convicted when jh said "haha expected one lor.. u'r everytime late.. as long as one's ur fren, they shld noe.."when i spend time w ying jiun, she shared a paragraph in e bible.. i cant find e passage now.. it basically talked abt disciplined = strong tree n ill discipline = bush.. so it's juz a matter of whether i wan to be disciplined or ill-disciplined.. i end up gg hm thinking "i wan to b a tree.. dun wan to be a bush.. i wan to be a tree.. dun wan to be a bush.." haha.. wen to ying jiun's hse nearly everyday.. gd thing dat she stayed near me.. such a blessing.. she's so motherly too.. there was a day where she cooked lunch n bought dinner 4 me (while i stayed at her place n study), there was oso a day where i stayed over, nxt morning we had breakfast tog den she went off to wrk i went back to her place n study.. until dinner time w her exhausted face n body, she still went to buy n cook dinner for me.. so blessed.. so loved.. haha.. we even chat 4 awhile.. got to noe each other more.. she's juz like a big big sister.. teaching me god's words.. teaching me abt character sins, how to change, how to repent n basically juz to please god w our christian life.. wat it means to be a disciple.. im so blessed!! well.. actually typed tis last wk but didnt manage to post it.. i think juz gotta find time 4 myself.. this isn't doing me any gd.. everyday busy frm day (even b4 e sun rises) till nite (after e moon "rise").. dun haf thinking time for myself.. '06 coming to an end.. think in 2 wks time, during my holidays.. i'll get a day for myself.. hmm.. mayb can make it a day where i go on a date w god too.. been saying it but haven go for it.. kept procrastinating.. so many sj stuff to do.. got bombed n tml's e meeting! i'm not gg! muz finish my part n let san dong pass e info n msg to dj.. gosh.. still got attachment tml.. rather later.. how to sleep???!! i wan to slp!!
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