7/26/2006 04:30:00 AM
this is ridiculous! how can a 26 years old hit his mum n sis? how can a 26 years old have a/an temper/attitude of a teenager? over a small matter, man can get so agitated n hit e roof? use vulgarity? looking at mum n sis getting hurt, not feeling remorseful? why cant juz give n take? why is it so difficult to live on tis earth? w ppl who dunno god? where's god in e pic? i wan to trust n believe in u. BUT why r u making e path so narrow? not even a spot of light can be seen..! how can he continue to slp when there's quarrelling, fighting, so much noise gg on? it juz shows how responsible n how much he cares.. all e sweet talk is all RUBBISH!! if u really love me as ur daughter, dote on me e most among all 3, show it! action speaks louder than word isnt it?

in e bible u say~~,
- whatever we go thru now, u've gone thru dem. (hebrews 4:15)
- we shld trust in u w all our heart n lean not on our own understanding; in all ways acknowledge u, n u will make our path straight. (proverbs 3:5-6)
- we shld seek first ur kingdom n ur righteousness, n all these things will be given to me as well. (matthew 6:33)
- we can do everyth thru u who gives us strength. (philippians 4:13)
- i've not asked anyth in ur name. ask n i'll receive, n my joy will be complete. (john 16:24)

had such a strong urge of juz ending it myself.. but i lack e courage to do it n leave my mum n sis alone in this world.. e tot of ur mission for me; e sufferings, how u send ur one n only son to die for our sins; ur assurance n promise to us to live in tis world, assurance of guidance, salvation, answered prayer, putting u first in our life n living each day w ur strength.. All these held me back.. dun wan to regret, dying not accomplishing anyth u asked of me..

but i'm so tired of living in this world.. oh lord.. pls take me home..


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7/21/2006 03:06:00 AM
god's so encouraging esp recently.. he's answering my prayer.. =)
sUnDaY:
a classmate of mine, joseph, came for e davinci code svc.. i invited him b4 but he couldn't make it due to some last min changes.. b4 i invite him for e sun svc, my heart wasnt rite, i was struggling whether to ask anot n expecting him to say he has smth on, he's busy etc. but he agreed to come w/o hesitating much. it's such a joy n encouragement frm god..

mOnDaY:
first day at wrk for one of my sec classmate, jun xian. had a lil struggle, been quite awhile since e last time i wrk f&b.. was quite tired after a day in sch n haven been slping well 4 e past 2 wks. after wrk, we went for supper n had a long talk.. frm 12am to 2am.. gosh.. nv tot tat we can talk so long. had a gd talk. talked abt his business, gave a few suggestions; talked abt his relationship w his gf, how impulsive he has been, not taking such things seriously, acting on impulse; his plan 4 his future. he didnt plan to get a degree, stopping at dip n will wrk for e rest of his life.
i used my dad as an eg to motivate him to really plan his life, not being so naive thinking not to study, starting early to wrk n earn money is gd.. personally i feel dat it's such a bad plan. looking at my dad, i feel dat if oni he's not complacent, if oni he's diligent to constantly upgrade himself; things wont be wat it is today. it's such a burden for his kids in future when he n his wife grow old.
somehow we talked abt who's e one in control of our lives. he said confidently "i'm e one in control of my life." god's definitely w us always. i had e courage to tell him "wat if i tell u e bible actually says dat we'r not e one in control? " he challenged me; -ok den tell me wat's e purpose of us living on tis earth? -my impression of god is v lil, oni been exposed during pri sch days. all i noe is wat i heard frm my parents. -u seem to b doin quite well in church? why r u telling me all tis? i said becoz i care, i feel dat tis is gd, i wan to help u. he said he'll bomb me w lotsa qns. hee.. e more e merrier ;)
we arranged for tis thurs, to meet up n i'll b prepared for his qns w a fren stanley.. pray dat god bless stanley n alvin w strength, wisdom during e 2 studies. pray dat tis 2 frenz will be open, 've a soft heart n b moved by god's words. of coz e desire to seek after him.. i belive god's words is definitely powerful, amen.

wEdNeSdAy:
today's steph's 8th Spiritual B'day!!! wrote her a card w my new small grp - wei ting n jennifer. haha i'm still e youngest in terms of age.. :p
i'll learn to b more discipline. NO MORE CAB!!! it's so exp, even e cab driver say so.. e meter jumps faster than e past. over slept at hm, took a cab down 4 mid wk. i'll nv go hm n go out frm dere again. to solve my prob frm gg back hm, needa solve my prob = place to slp! haha..
felt e pinch in my heart even during mid wk, until when stanley shared the gd news dat joseph will be studying e bible on fri; i was so shocked, excited, cant believe dat it's a dream come true.
haha.. i den started to imagine e day when he'll get baptise in our church, me sharing, my first fruit, frm NYP somemore.. mission accomplished-setting up of NYP. haha.. i noe i tink too much n too far; but it's gd to 've great dreams 4 god, whether it'll come true it's up to god. *-)

tHuRsDaY:
had a great day! finish sch at 1pm, met steph 4 lunch in sch. initially e plan was to start evangelising at 2pm, but jas who initially say cant meet us called to say she's meeting us. aniway it's been a long time since i st w her. e 3 of us had a great time, juz talking abt attachment, sch, projs, lecturers..
at 3pm, steph n i went to my fav place in sch to pray b4 evangelising. at first i was insecure; how others will look at me e next time i meet dem ard in sch again.. but i commit everyth onto god's hands.. we had quality time! we reached out to 3 gals. gave all e invitation for davinci code thou none of dem could make it. 1st frm nursing yr2, kept rejecting us. 2nd - soe kuan, frm business mgt yr3, exchanged no., msn. she was v open to talk, make frenz, noe god. 3rd - ying lu, frm nursing yr3, exchanged no. too. chat 4 awhile den we left. somehow, i felt like we shld set up study on e spot, she seems like e potential one. steph shared abt e campus student she met w a sis in e kuching mission trip. e sis oso tot dat dere's smth she wan to share w e student n dey turned back to her n after chatting deeper dey realised smth new abt e student. that boosted my confidence, so we turned back n shared jeremiah 29 to her. she wasnt resistent, we shared acts 17 too. thou she seems quiet, not interested; at e later part of our time together, she got wat we meant, where we r coming frm.
i like steph's analogy to her. ying lu said "wait till he appear in front of me." she feels dat she cant c god, so abit diff to belive. steph den asked her, "wat abt air? wat abt dust? can u see dem? yet do dey exist?" it's god's wisdom lo.. tis striked ying lu n set her thinking.. we continued to chat den she went for lecture, steph n i went to meet felicia n we walked out to e mrt station together.
by e time i reached julie's hse was 6.15pm.. super late.. haha.. during e study both of us nv reply her sms, nv ans her phone call.. end up she was so worried abt us.. she did so many things n we still have not contacted her.. until 5pm..
at her hse, she shared w me abt discipling.. so thankful 4 e lesson, if not i'll be so lost n so burdened. having e thinking; being e disciple of a baby x'tian has great responsibility etc. actually, discipling is light-hearted n enjoyable. it's e sincere attitude wanting to serve her, wanting to help her meet her needs, being dere for her always. wat encourages me alot is tis, if one day she falls away; it's her own choice, it's b/w her n god. even if she had e best disciple on earth, it's no use. as long as i've done my part, shined for god, gd enuf. dat w all e verses frm e bible really assures me.
after which at 8.15pm, weiting finally arrived. we had dinner den her follow up study. julie n i were able to sit down n discuss how we can help her better. i felt dat today's lesson is v convicting for her n is v impt for her.. being a baby x'tian definitely is full of zeal. everyth is new, bibletalk, devo, scriptures. tis results in her being in a way superficial. esp now dat she started wrk, her qt is not consistent animore. she hasnt been taking god's words seriously, last wk when i enc her to do her qt in e morning, she seems burdened n not willing. today w e use of bible, she sees y she's quick to speak, slow to listen. it's gd dat she has tis self awareness. so we showed her verses abt e heart n pride; self-righteous.
was tinking next wk when i spend time w her, i'll share w her verses on putting god in e pic always, pride, taking god's words seriously as a follow up n reinforcement frm all e past few wks sermon esp today's follow-up study.
gotta pray hard hard for my 2 frens' study, ying lu to continue her study - dem to have a soft heart, open mind, desire to seek god; strength n wisdom for alvin n stanley n myself to b able to show dem wat god wans us to show dem, be used in a powerful way to impact these ppl.
for jas n py, gotta constantly pray for dem too. e talk w jas, i felt dat she changed. influenced alot by e world, letting go of christianity, totally got attracted by e world.

oh god, only u'r in control. until now i've not asked anyth in ur name. ask n i will receive n my joy will be complete.-john 16:24 trust in e lord w all my heart, lean not on my own understanding, in all ways acknowledge him, and he will make my paths straight.-proverbs 3:5-6



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7/14/2006 03:50:00 AM
it's been a wk of encouragement.. so glad n fortunate to be blessed w a father like him.. helped felicia to check her proj juz now, gosh.. made me feel so blessed n fortunate.. those kids dun even get basic needs met, dun 've e chance to noe god, but they'r definitely survivors.. hopefully one day can do smth for dem, gif edu, chance to noe god..


mY wEeK
mon - cHaLLeNgEd

tue - rEpENtAnCe
spend time w an awesome sis got to noe since last yr when we were both in teens.. she has grown so much eversince she wentover to e campus.. from the way she talk, she share her convictions.. i'm so proud of her.. thanks gal.. u spoke e truth n that helped alot..
i no longer live in self-pity animore.. it juz goes to show how impt our quiet time w god is.. been having very very inconsistent quiet time w god e past few mths during attachment.. tis caused me to sway so much when oni a small gust of wind passed by.. gosh.. repent repent...

wed - eNcOuRaGeD
spent time w steph.. spent u quantity n quality time.. gosh.. nearly had sore throat.. guess tis is our trend, long time nv spend time; once we spend time, we'll spend long long time.. haha.. aniw.. glad dat we managed to update each other, had lots of laughs, jokes n personal time..
thank god for putting me in a position where i get to really learn spiritually n haf fun w peers of my age..

thur - fgHtng tmE
sat in wei ting's (my 1st disciple) follow-up study.. 1st spend time after dat.. gosh.. i tink i wasn't tactful enuf, she seems so shock after dat.. maybe coz she still doesnt noe dat i'm discipling her n wat discipling really mean.. she tot dat julie is her disciple.. before, during n after e spend time, i had many things on e list dat i wan to help her to change.. but i cant possibly bomb her all at one go n definitely i cant expect anione to change over e nite.. hmm.. gotta really plan wat is e most impt thing to instill in her first.. wat lesson shld i prepare for her first? gotta start reading up on e book dat steph lend me - discipleship. gosh.. i cant believe dat i'll disciple someone so soon.. my time isn't god's time, my plan isn't god's plan.. (quoted frm marilyn =P)
oso like wat gim lay n steph say; "God's moulding ur character." indeed.. if not my x'tian life wont be like a ride on a roller coaster eversince i step out of e water on 5th jun '05..
msged jasmine today abt e davinci code svc tis sun, heard frm steph she's considering ytd.. hopefully she'll turn up on sun..
invited 2classmates, thou oni one can turn up.. but it's a victory oreadi.. invited him quite a no. of times since e special svc earlier of tis yr.. glad dat he agreed w/o hesistating.. gotta pray dat he'll b convicted n his heart to soften during tis 2wks..

hai.. it's so late again.. since last wk till today, been slping so late.. so lil.. gonna be like tarepanda soon.. gosh.. hmm.. share more tml.. hopefully i'l b hm by 11pm..
trust in e lord w all ur heart, lean not on ur own understanding, but acknowledge him in all ways and he'll make ur paths straight. tml's another day..

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7/11/2006 04:45:00 AM
It's juz so convicting that i'm in e kingdom, where dere's bro n sis always dere for one another.. actually quite tired after e world cup n yeah!! italy won!, stressed by mum n sch.. Was juz sayin to a sis today morning dat i seem to haf better friendship w frenz frm e world than frenz frm e kingdom.. god is definitely always ard, nv left us alone; not even a sec..
was so enc by e conversation i had in e wee hrs.. so encouraged.. recently ppl whom i used to turn to r either busy or stressd up or not in s'pore.. i'm juz very encouraged and convicted.. i do not 've to say much, i'm oreadi understood.. it's so relieving n wat other word can i say encouraged.. i'm encouraged to speak up , start telling a lil bit abt what i wan (thou i'll definitely struggle), dere's no prob abt being personal every now n then.. juz dun b afraid to talk.. frm here, indeed god is everywhere, amen. juz gotta pray that my zeal, fighting spirit to shine for him will nv b blown off; my convictions will grow.. oso for e spend time on wed to really b one of quality time w one another n i'll really b able to learn frm e spend time tonite too.. who says dat i'll oni learn frm ppl much older than me (physically)? why cant ppl of my age grp b impacting me, b teaching me as well? guess i'll juz 've to put in dat x-tra effort to build friendship w sis frm campus as well as reaching out to e lost, bringin light to nyp.. oh father, i do not wan to gif up on ur initial mission 4 us juz like dat.. it's e true faith test, where u put more challenges to see if my faith is really strong n based on u god.. i've conquered one earlier on tis yr, juz gotta pray dat tis time round i'll not oni not fall, but i'll grow stronger in my faith in u god..
wan to ask for forgiveness for having doubt in u when u'r e oni one who's in control of us of everyth on tis earth 4 u'r our creator.. wan to thank u 4 everyth u've done n planned for me.. it juz shows how much u love me.. u'r so dear dat none of us can live w/o.. love u

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7/07/2006 04:16:00 AM
challenges after challenges after challenges... how can some ppl live each day aimlessly, not wrking, slacking at hm all day? doesnt he feel bored? useless? bad abt himself? if he is, y isnt he doin anyth abt it? how can he still depend on her each day? at e age of 25? i juz dun understand.. his struggle too? struggle to wat den? struggle to face life? oh.. how can i help? where's god in e pic here? 4 me to remind myself not to fall into sin? not to fall away? definitely more than dat rite?
my dear father.. help me... i'm lost, discouraged by dat quarrel he n she had at 3am.. while i was in e midst of catching some slp after a long day's wrk.. god.. i noe dat u'r an awesome god.. i wan to thank u 4 sending ppl into my life.. u nv fail to use dem powerfully to impact me.. i oso noe dat u'r in ctrl n u oways amaze us in e way u ans our prayer.. i do not wan to lose faith, lost trust, lose patience, lose hope in u father.. i wan to rely on u.. i wan to shine 4 u.. i wan to live my life 4 u.. 4 u'r e prince of peace..
i do not wan to use my strength, my wisdom to handle things.. god u've oways been w me.. nv was dere once u left me.. way back since i was 9.. i sincerely pray dat u'll bless me w ur wisdom, ur strength to face each day.. i wan to fight 4 u til e last day of my life.. i noe e oni way to do it n make it to heaven one day is to do 've consistent quiet time w u lord.. therefore, i wan to thank u 4 today's lesson by julie.. thou it's by rite wei ting's follow up study, but i felt like u'r speaking to me thru her.. letting me see how impt n how having consistent quiet time helps.. i really see it for my own eyes.. it's a gradual thing.. not sudden.. lastly i juz wan to pray dat my organiser will be found god... it contains so much memories inside.. MUCH MORE WORTH than money.. god.. i really cant afford to lose it.. even e organiser itself is a memory, wat's more 4 e content..
lastly i wan to thank u 4 everyth u've done 4 me n everyone, blessing me w ppl like my dear fren in e kingdom-felicia.. wan to pray dat u'll bless her w ur wisdom n strength to go thru tis tough time, lead her to e way u wan her to be.. wan to pray dat she'll get her bond too god.. will be fasting on dinner for her.. wan to commit everyth onto ur hands.. i love u.. in jesus name i pray, amen.

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7/02/2006 03:38:00 AM
*sigh* finally managed to haf a blog too... lots of wrk to be done still yet it's time to slp.. :)

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7/02/2006 03:27:00 AM
Felicia done my blog for me!!!

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